Wizard of Oz
by writer writing
Summary: Lois is hit in the head during a tornado and has a Wizard of Oz dream.
1. Chapter 1

Lois knew it was a foolish thing to do, but she was worried about Clark and Mrs. Kent. She had already gotten a hold of Chloe and she was safe in Metropolis. Now the telephone lines were down. She had to make sure they knew about the tornado and were safely in their cellar. Kansas was in Tornado Alley, where these storms were a natural part of life and they had weathered many more of these storms than her but that didn't keep her from worrying about them. That's why she was driving in her car, knowing a tornado was on the way. She figured if worse came to worse, she could get out of her car and into a ditch. That was the recommended procedure.

She pulled into the drive. Clark was still outside, bolting the barn to make sure the animals were as safe as possible. He saw Lois.

Lois got out of her car, her hair whipping wildly, and called out over the high winds, "I was just checking to see if you and your mom were okay! I'm going to go back now!"

"Are you nuts!" Clark called back. ""You can't make it back now! You can stay in the cellar with me and Mom!" He walked over to her.

"That's okay. I don't want to impose. I'd rather go back."

He grabbed her wrist before she could finish getting back into the car. "You don't have a choice, Lois."

"I didn't know you could sound so commanding and authoritative, Smallville. I think somebody cares."

"As much as I'd like to see you blown into the next state, Mom would never forgive me."

"Next state or over the rainbow? This is Kansas after all."

"You can crack all the Wizard of Oz jokes you want when we get in the cellar."

"Fine," she huffed. She patted the hood of her car. "Don't blow away, baby."

Clark dragged her by the hand to the cellar.

"I can walk, thank you."

"Then walk," he said.

He opened the cellar and got in. She was honestly about to follow, but she spotted Shelby out of the corner of her eye. Why wasn't that dumb dog in the cellar? He probably escaped when they weren't looking. She followed Shelby into the house. She thought she heard Clark and Mrs. Kent calling her name but the winds were so high she couldn't be sure and she was coming straight back.

"Here, boy. Come on, Shelby. You know you owe me, don't you? This isn't the first time I've saved your life and it probably won't be the last."

The dog obediently came to her and she picked him up.

"Gosh, Shelby. Lay off the Kibbles and Bits. You weigh a ton."

She turned to go back to the cellar when she saw a monstrous, twisted storm. She even thought she saw a cow or 2 that it had picked up. It was dangerously close. She didn't think she had time to make it back to the cellar. The next thing she knew, she felt a piece of wood that must have pried loose from somewhere knock her in the back of the head. She fell on the couch and she couldn't open her eyes or stop the spinning sensation.


	2. Chapter 2

Lois woke up. Shelby was looking at her and wagging his tail.

"Well, we're still alive. That's a good sign."

She went to look out the window to make sure the storm had passed. It hadn't. In fact, the house seemed to be in the center of it and was being carried off to who knew where.

"Smallville!" she yelled.

She was hoping he had managed to get in the house. Sometimes he had a knack for coming out of nowhere, but it was just her and Shelby. She continued to look out the window. She saw an old lady in a rocking chair go by, who just waved and kept knitting.

"Please, tell me I'm dreaming, Shelby. If you do, besides it being mildly unsettling, it would let me know that this is just a dream."

He only whined in response.

"Wait, I've got the perfect test."

She got closer to the dog and took a deep breath.

"Yep, no sneezing or watery eyes. I'm allergy free. This is definitely a dream, and let me tell you something, mutt, when I see your real life counterpart, you're going to get it for getting us into this. Why am I talking to a dog, even if this is a dream? It's crazy."

She looked back out the window and she thought she saw Lana go by on a broomstick.

"Oh no, tell me Lana Lang is not a wicked witch."

She saw her go by again and this time Lana cackled.

"You know what's disturbing about this, Shelby? What kinds of things are hidden in my subconscious? I mean this is my dream. Why would I make Lana the wicked witch? It's not like I have any sort of hidden resentment toward her, do I? Oh, what do you know? You're just a dog."

Suddenly the house fell from the sky.

"Following the plot of the movie, I'm willing to bet we just landed on Lana. Oh well, it could be worse. I could be wearing that checkered, blue and white dress."

She looked down to find that she was and that there was also a basket on her arm now.

"Me and my big mouth. Wait a second that means I have some sort of control over my dream. Wake up, Lois. Wake up. What are you looking at, Shelby? It was worth a try. Do you have any better ideas?"

She once again looked out the window.

"We're not in Kansas anymore, Shelb-Shelb. If I was a guessing person, I would guess that there's a bunch of little people out there, who are going to annoy the crap out of me with songs. I think I'll just stay in here and play solitaire until this dream is over. Let's see, where does Mrs. Kent keep the cards? I don't suppose it matters, does it? Let's just say between the couch cushions."

She dug between the cushions and pulled out a deck of cards.

Suddenly bells began to chime. "She's dead! She's dead!" came the cries. "Ding dong, the witch is dead. The wicked witch is dead."

"It sounds like there's no avoiding the songs. Oh well, at least I'm still in the house."

There was knocking on the door.

"Or more like no avoiding it at all. Let's go meet the munchkins before they invade the Kent home."


	3. Chapter 3

With an annoyed sigh and Shelby at her heels, Lois opened the door. There were hundreds of little munchkins staring at her in awe and in some cases, fear.

Finally, a munchkin man near her got up the nerve to ask her, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

"That depends on if I've had my coffee or not. Lucky for you, I have," Lois answered.

There was silence for a little while as they continued to study her and then a bubble came along. It grew into the good witch of the north, who happened to be Martha. Lois smiled. Now there was a reasonable choice for her mind to make. Mrs. Kent was a lot like Glinda. She was nice, sweet, and helpful. Of course, Lois couldn't help but think her mind could have left out the fluffy, pink dress and wand.

"I'm Martha, the good witch of the north. You have saved the people of Munchkinland from the wicked witch of the east, Isobel."

When Lois heard that she breathed a sigh of relief. It was Lana's wicked ancestor, who ironically really was a witch. She felt better about the imaginings of her mind now.

"So you are a good witch?" Martha asked.

"I'm not really a witch. I just want this to be over."

"You mean you want to go home?"

"Something like that."

"Where is your home?"

"In Kansas. Oh no, I do live in the same place as Dorothy even to the point of being in farm country. I have to move to Metropolis as soon as possible, so I can be a true city girl again. Although Kansas isn't as bad as it sounds. Kansas is in color contrary to popular belief promoted by this very movie. The people there are, for the most part, nice. Gullible but nice. I guess if I say I want to go home, this dream will be over faster. Bottom line is yes, I want to go home to Kansas."

"How will you get there?"

"Oh, right. The tornado carried me off and then dropped me down in Oz. What ever shall I do? I know, maybe a wizard can help me get back."

"Yes, the Wizard of Oz and you must wear Isobel's shoes."

"My life long dream has always been to wear the shoes off of a dead woman's feet."

Martha waved the wand and the shoes were instantly on her feet.

"What do you know, a perfect fit," Lois said. "I heard somewhere they were supposed to be silver but they wanted to show off the new color technology, so they chose ruby."

Martha looked confused, "I'm pretty sure they've always been ruby slippers."

There was an explosion and when the smoke cleared, Lana was there.

"I knew it was too good to be true," Lois muttered to herself. "Why couldn't it have been Lex? It would be funny to see him in a pointed hat and dress, and I know I don't like him."

Lana locked eyes with her and got closer, "You killed my ancestor, didn't you? Well, you know what? I will get my revenge on you, dearie, or I'm not Lana Lang, the wicked witch of the west. Where are Isobel's shoes?"

She screeched when she saw them on Lois' feet, "Take them off and give them to me!"

"Get a life," Lois told her. "And aren't you a fashion nut? They don't even match what you're wearing."

"And as long as they're on her feet, you cannot harm her or take them off," Martha told Lana.

"This isn't over! I will get those shoes if it's the last thing I ever do!" Lana screamed and she was gone in another explosion.

The munchkins, who had been hiding and cowering, stood up and resumed their jubilee as if nothing had happened.

Lois met the mayor and the Lollipop kids, who predictably gave her a lollipop, all in incredible irritating song. At last, they reached the spot where the yellow brick road began.

They switched to another song, "Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. Follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road."

"I get it!" Lois said impatiently. "Wouldn't it be easier to just click my heels now?"

They looked at her like she had broken a major rule.

"Okay, I'm following the yellow brick road," she said.

Instead of circling aimlessly, she started at the point where it went straight and again they looked at her like she was a nut. Lois just rolled her eyes and kept going. Martha waved and turned back into a bubble.

When Lois was far away from them all and out on her own, she asked, "Gee, Shelby, I wonder who we'll meet first on our adventure? If you have to get stuck in a movie dream, why does it have to be so boringly predictable and why, dear Lord, does it have to be a musical?" she asked, looking skyward and hoping for an answer. "I hate musicals. All that randomly breaking into song drives me insane. If only Lucy hadn't watched it so much as a kid, I might have a foggy, quick version of it. In case you haven't noticed, Shelby, I like to have the silence filled and that requires me continuously talking out loud as we walk along. Do you mind?"

Shelby barked as if to say no.

"Gosh, I am a nutcase. I'm asking a dog's permission."


	4. Chapter 4

Lois had been on the lookout for the scarecrow but after awhile without seeing him, she'd stopped looking. There was nothing but rows and rows of corn as far as the eye could see.

The day seemed to drag on forever, but it wasn't long before she came to a fork in the yellow brick road and she was confused about which way to go.

"Which way do I go?" she wondered out loud.

"You can go that way," came a female voice, "or you can go that way."

Lois looked up and sure enough the voice belonged to Chloe. Her now straw-filled arms were crisscrossed in both directions.

It surprised her. If anybody was going to be the dumb hayseed associated with a farm, she thought sure it'd be Clark. She'd actually been expecting to see Clark. There was no accounting for the choices the dream-making part of her mind came up with. Chloe was the smartest person she knew, although that was kind of the point of the story. Whatever they thought they lacked, they'd had all along. Plus, she was yearning for some company other than a dog's and she'd take Chloe's company over Clark's any day of the week.

"It depends on where you want to go," Chloe said.

"Emerald City. The wizard is supposed to send me home."

"The wizard? Do you think he could give me a brain?"

Lois smirked and was about to give a snide comeback but the look on her cousin's face right now was so naïve and simple that she felt some pity. She probably didn't have much of a brain in that straw-stuffed head she now owned.

"You see," Chloe said before Lois could reply, "I'm supposed to be a scarecrow, but I can't even do that right. My imitation of being a man, or a woman in this case, is supposed to scare the crows away from the corn, but they just laugh at me and perch on my shoulder."

"Then sock them one," Lois said.

"I never thought of that. See I haven't got a brain. Do you mind doing me a favor?"

"What favor?"

"It's a tad uncomfortable being nailed to this pole."

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Lois asked.

She climbed up the pole and tugged where the nail was attached to Chloe's shirt. Chloe slid right down to the ground.

"Well, if we're done here. I'd really like to move on through this dream," Lois told her.

"Is this your dream?" Chloe asked.

"I believe so," Lois said.

"Fascinating. Well, I have to do a musical number before we move on."

"Says who?"

"Says you, I guess. It's your dream and I have the irrepressible urge to break into song."

"You already told me you don't have a brain. I don't need to hear it set to music. Now please, let's just go."

Chloe was compliant and Lois was thankful. Her cousin hadn't been blessed with the greatest voice. Karaoke nights were proof of that. Granted hers wasn't great either, but she wasn't trying to sing.

"Wait shouldn't we at least sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz, because, because, because of all the wonderful things he does.'"

Chloe had just sung. If looks could kill, Chloe the scarecrow wouldn't have made it to see the wizard.

"If I ever hear you sing in this dream again, regardless of blood ties, straw ties, whatever, I will toss you a couple of lit matches. Are we clear?"

Chloe nodded. She didn't need a brain to figure out Lois was serious.


	5. Chapter 5

Chloe had picked the direction they went in. Lois was beginning to question whether it was wise to let Chloe pick anything in her condition but at last the yellow brick road led into the woods, a sign that they had to be on the right path. She knew it was only a matter of time before they came upon the tinman. She was curious and yet leery to find out who it was.

Lois felt strangely hungry, strange because she was hungry in a dream. She must have been hungry in the real world. It was unbelievably lucky that she spotted apple trees with the most delicious-looking, red apples in the world. For a moment, she hesitated about eating them. She couldn't remember why but she had a bad feeling about it. She was probably confused with Snow White, who shouldn't have eaten the apple.

She plucked one off the tree. That's when she saw the face on the trunk and it didn't look happy. "Ow, that hurt!" it cried.

Lois suddenly remembered why she shouldn't have done that, but she supposed it was a necessary part of the plot.

"How would you like someone to pluck something off you?" it asked.

"I wouldn't," Lois responded.

"Hey, tree!" Chloe cried. "Why don't you throw something at me? Who wants your wormy, old apples anyway?"

It threw an apple at her with its branchy hand. Chloe picked one up. Lois saw where she was going with this. It was an easy way to get the apples and the apples didn't hurt her. Chloe had a few in her hands, but soon all the other apple trees had woken up and were throwing apples too. The apples were flying everywhere. They were forced off the path.

Once they were out of the apple trees' range, Lois shouted back, "Wait until I get my hands on an axe. You'll be sorry you messed with Lois Lane!"

Chloe urged her forward and put the apples she had in Lois' basket. They came upon a log cabin.

"Let's hurry up and find the owner," Lois said.

The tinman wasn't very far from the house. He was rusted and not moving. He was Clark.

"It's good that he's the one in the story that can't move," Lois said. "Now let's make a break for it."

The tinman grunted something from his unmoving mouth.

"We can't leave him like this," Chloe said.

Lois sighed. "I suppose not. He is partly necessary to all this and if this was Smallville's dream, he'd oil me. Maybe not my mouth but he'd oil me. Where's the oil?" she asked Clark.

He grunted and she saw it sitting on a nearby stump. She took the oilcan and oiled all his joints. She saved his mouth for last.

"Oh, thank you," Clark said. "If you hadn't come along, I don't know what I would have done. I've been rusted up for ages."

"Poor baby," Lois said. "Let me save you some time and trouble. You don't have a heart and we're going to see the wizard, who can give you one. Let's go."

"Is it that obvious?" his voice shook as if he was on the verge of crying.

"Don't cry," Lois said, her voice mixed with annoyance and concern. "You'll rust up and I won't feel like oiling you again."

"But just wait until you hear my story. It's so sad."

"You always did enjoy your pity parties. I guess that's why I picked you to be the tinman. Go on. Tell your story."

"I wasn't always like this. I was a real man once, a woodcutter."

"I would've never guessed with the axe in your hand," Lois said.

"Don't interrupt his story," Chloe said. "Go on, Mr. Woodcutter."

"I'm in love with Lana Lang."

"And there's a shocker for anybody's dream," Lois mumbled under her breath and Shelby nudged his way under her hand.

"Isobel didn't like that I was interested in Lana, so through magic, she caused the axe to cut off parts of my body. I had to get tin to replace them. Pretty soon, I was nothing but Clark, man of tin."

"Are you sure you're not just a klutz?" Lois asked.

Chloe frowned in her direction.

"Okay, so it was magic," Lois conceded. "It's not so bad to be made of tin, although personally I would have chosen steel. It's more durable."

"But don't you see? Now I don't have a heart to love Lana." He knocked on his tin chest and it echoed.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"What happened to your heart?" Chloe asked her.

Lois just smiled in reply and told Clark, "Don't take it personally but Lana is never going to love you in any shape or form and especially in this world, where she's a wicked witch."

Clark cried and rusted up again.

"Lois, look what you did," Chloe said.

"He's got to face the truth sometime. It's not healthy to hold onto a love that does you more harm than good," Lois said, as she oiled Clark again. "So are you coming with us to Emerald City?" Lois asked Clark impatiently when she finished.

He nodded, clanking as he did it.

They found the yellow brick road again, away from where the crazy apple trees were. Lois walked a little bit ahead of them. She heard Chloe whisper, "Do you have the urge to break out into a solo song about not having a heart and then a group song about seeing the wizard?"

"Yeah," Clark whispered back. "How did you know?"

"Suppress it. Lois is prone to violence and she's not too fond of singing."

Lois smiled in victory. Maybe she'd never have to hear another song in this dream. She stopped for a second to let them catch up with her.


	6. Chapter 6

Lois knew she'd hear it any minute now. She was waiting for it.

"Do you think there might be lions?" Chloe asked.

"Shut up," Lois answered.

"And tigers?" Clark asked.

"I said shut up and don't either of you say anything about bears."

Together Chloe and Clark said, "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"

"For the last time, shut up!"

There was silence again, as they continued along their way. Lois was glad that at least that part was out of the way. Now she was waiting to see who the cowardly lion would be. As if on cue, Jimmy came jumping onto the path, his tail swishing, as he chased poor Shelby around. He tried to bite the dog and Lois quickly smacked him on the nose.

"Jimmy Olsen, you should be ashamed of yourself," Lois lectured and then gave a quick smile. "Although I must admit, it was rather amusing to watch. Anyway that's not the point. You're a grown man, or lion I should say, and you can't chase around harmless, little creatures for your sport."

Jimmy grabbed his tail and fiddling with it, mumbled pitifully, "I know. It's just that I don't have any—"

"Courage. I know. Let's go to the Wizard and he'll give you some, but if you're coming with us, I have to insist on one very important rule. No singing!"

He nodded straight away and looked a little afraid of her. Of course, the cowardly lion wasn't going to put up a fight. Lois didn't know Jimmy as well as she knew Chloe and Clark but this choice wasn't too far off. Jimmy was sweet but she also thought him very strange. He was strange because he tried to set her up with Clark. In a way, he could be rather plucky at times and he could make her laugh with his endearing childishness and clumsiness. However, he would certainly need to gain a little more pluck and courage if he was serious about being a newspaper photographer. She could intimidate him with one little annoyed look and that was probably why her mind had chosen him as the lion. He often cowered before her. He was a good friend though and she liked him, but she wasn't sure she liked him with Chloe. They were a cute couple but poor Jimmy was easily overshadowed and Chloe was a dominating female. Not that Lois had a problem with dominating females. Chloe had probably learned it from her. She just didn't think they were quite right for each other and they were bound to break up eventually. In real life she meant. She didn't think a lion and a scarecrow could even date.

After what seemed like forever they were out of the woods and the big green city was looming in the distance. Lois was so happy she almost felt like singing. Almost being the key word. Her joy quickly faded when she saw the field of red poppies and she wondered if that was the only way to get into Emerald City but of course, it was. The yellow brick road led right into the field. Well, if she had to, she had to. This dream was so close to being over. She had her sidekicks. So she entered the field with her traveling companions, knowing what was going to happen. The sweet smelling poppies were making her, Jimmy, and Shelby very drowsy. It wasn't long before they laid down and went to sleep.

Oddly enough she could still see what was happening in the dream. She briefly saw Lana cackling over a crystal ball because she had placed the spell on the poppies. Lana planned on having them sleep for all eternity. Then Lois' attention was focused back on Clark and Chloe. It obviously didn't affect them because they weren't living, breathing things. They didn't know what to do now. Clark started tearing up.

"Don't cry," Chloe said. "Not now. Lois is the only one that can properly oil you and she's asleep."

"I know and Jimmy too. They're my friends. I can't help but cry at their plight," and he rusted up from his tears.

Chloe was left alone. She couldn't very well drag them out and she hated to leave them in this vulnerable state, but she still had to get help. She came up with a plan. She remained rooted in her spot and cried, "Help! Help!"


	7. Chapter 7

As crazy and stupid as Chloe's plan seemed, it worked. It had to. It was part of the movie. Martha waved her magic wand and snow fell, canceling out the poppies' effect. They were all up and ready to go as if nothing had happened, after Lois oiled Clark of course. Lois was growing more and more tired of the whole thing, so she decided to run for the gate. The others followed suit. Lois knocked and the sliding thing for looking out opened.

"What do you want?" came a gruff voice.

"We're gate testers. We go around knocking on gates to make sure they can be knocked on," Lois said. "What do you think we want? We want in."

He shut the sliding thing back. Lois knocked again.

"The good witch of the North sent us. See these shoes?"

He looked down. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"Beats me," Lois muttered. "I've seen this movie before."

They got in the carriage drawn by the horse of many colors. They were all impressed by it except for Lois.

"Isn't it great?" Clark prodded.

"Not that great," Lois answered. "I have a lamp at home that changes color just like that."

They were treated very well and prettied up to see the wizard. Chloe got new straw, Clark got a shine, Jimmy and Shelby got groomed, and Lois got a new hairdo and her nails done.

Suddenly there was a familiar cackle in the air. Lana was up on her broom skywriting. The crowd sounded out the words as Lana spelled. "I'll—get—you—Lios."

"Who's Lios?" Chloe asked.

"She means me," Lois said. "I think it was supposed to have said surrender, but that's a hard word. Lana can't spell but in all fairness neither can I, which is probably why surrender wasn't in my dream."

"You can't spell your own name?" Chloe asked. "Even I can do that."

"I can spell my name. It's all the other words I have trouble with. Come on guys and stop looking at that stupid message."

They went up the stairs where the guard was and asked to see the wizard.

"I'll tell the wizard you're here," the guard said.

They all took a seat on the stairs. Nobody said anything. Lois got creeped out when she saw Clark staring at her with the steely, gray eyes he now had. Maybe this dream would have a surprise twist and the tinman would turn out to be an axe killer, especially if he loved Lana, the wicked witch. Everybody knew he'd do anything for Lana. She was about to feel him out and see what his opinion on the message was, when something else stole her attention.

Jimmy had taken up the rug on the floor and placed it around his shoulders and put a flowerpot on his head. He belted out, "If I were King of the Forest." Lois had to give him credit. He was gaining courage already to sing that in front of her. She stood up and was about to find out just how much courage he had really gained, when the man came back.

"He can't see you."

"The heck he can't," Lois exclaimed, "after all I've suffered to get here."

She pulled open the door and looked back at the others. "What are you waiting for, flying pigs? Although I guess the more appropriate term would be flying monkeys."

They followed her despite the guard's cries of protest. Lois burst through the door marked wizard and whose floaty, bald head should she see? Lex's. Who else?


	8. Chapter 8

Lois was trying to figure out the mystery of Lex's head. It looked like he had poked his head through a hole in the chair and painted his head green, but if that was Lex's head, who was behind the curtain? Then again this was a dream and it didn't have to make sense.

"Who allowed you in here?" Lex demanded to know. It didn't sound like a booming, scary voice but calm and cold like his voice was in real life.

Lois smiled. "You have security problems in both worlds."

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I want you to send me home to Kansas. The scarecrow wants—"

"I want each person to speak for themselves."

Lois was annoyed, but she stepped back into the line they had formed.

Chloe stepped forward and said, "I'd like a brain."

"You look like you could use one. Next," Lex said.

"I want a heart," Clark said sadly.

"I don't know why. They only get in your way. Next," he said.

Jimmy was shaking. He didn't dare move forward.

"I said next!"

They nudged Jimmy forward and he managed to get out, "I-I-I want some c-courage."

"Speak up! I can't hear you. You're a lion for goodness sake. Roar your request."

"I-I want courage," he said again, just loud enough to be heard.

"That's something you could certainly use. Now let me tell you all what you have to do for me."

"Do for you?" Chloe asked.

"Why you certainly didn't think I do these things for free, did you?"

Lois rolled her eyes. It was so typical of him and a surprisingly good role for him. "What do you want, Lex?" she asked even though she knew the answer.

"I believe you all have heard of the wicked witch of the west?"

They didn't answer except for Clark's lovesick sigh.

"I want her broom."

"Let's go," Lois told the others, but Lex wasn't done.

"She's an admirable thing with nice hair. I offered to marry her, but she refused. I must have her broom now."

Lois shook her head. Was this The Wizard of Oz or a soap opera? "We'll bring it to you."

Once they were outside of Emerald City and heading west, Lois began ranting, "I can't believe we're going to all this trouble when I know he won't give us what we want. He's not magical. Yet I feel compelled to complete this dream right. I just have this funny feeling that I can't wake up unless I do."

They had no idea what she was talking about but nodded reassuringly as if they did.

In the sky there appeared to be a pink cloud and it was getting closer and closer. As it approached, it became clear that the cloud was actually little pink flying monkeys. Lois shivered. They were cute in a creepy sort of way. She knew they were evil and out to get her. The creepiest thing about them was that their squeaking sounded like, 'Tell me your secret. Tell me your secret.'

Lois didn't even try to put up a fight. She was tempted to, merely because they looked so much fun to hit. She wasn't going to though. Why fight destiny or the plot of a well-known movie in this case? It took 6 of them to lift her and 4 to lift Shelby.

If the circumstance had been different, she might have actually enjoyed flying. She'd had other flying dreams before but for some reason, it was never under her own power. Her usual flying dream was about a man in a cape. It was always more of a nightmare though for numerous reasons. She could never see the man's face and she desperately wanted to and it felt so real like a premonition, which bothered her. He was always rescuing her in the dreams and that made her feel vulnerable. She would rather rescue herself and she especially hated that she felt so weak in the knees. She was in love with a man from her dreams, a fantasy. She wished though that the flying man would come into her dream now and rescue her from the monkeys.

She looked back at her traveling companions, who were getting smaller and smaller. She heard their faint cries of, "Lois!" She wasn't worried. Although they seemed like unlikely heroes, they would be along to rescue her shortly. She still had her doubts about the tinman though.


	9. Chapter 9

Lois was seated in a chair as Lana stood in front of her and screeched, "I want those shoes!"

"Then take them," Lois told her.

Lana reached for the shoes and sparks shot up. "Ouch! You did that on purpose, you little wench!"

Lois smiled, "I might have had a feeling something like that would happen."

"The only way I'm going to get those shoes is to pull them off your cold, dead body but maybe I can convince you to take them off yet." Lana had her crystal ball in the room and in it there appeared the image of the real Mrs. Kent, Clark, Chloe, and a strange man with a bag. "Ah, your little family. If you want to make them happy by living, you'd better hand over my shoes."

"Never," Lois said.

The image changed over to Shelby. "See this hourglass,' Lana said, picking one up and flipping it over, "When the sand runs out, your dog dies, unless you've taken those shoes off." She cackled. "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" and she left the room.

Lois rolled her eyes. It had to take somebody seriously deranged to say a cliché line like that but after all Lana, the witch, was only a character in her mind. If anyone was deranged, it was her. Lois turned her attention to the dog. She'd like to say she didn't worry about the mutt but the truth of the matter was that she wouldn't be in this situation if she didn't like the animal just a little. She wasn't about to take the shoes off though. She knew he was about to escape for help any minute now. In fact, as she was thinking this, he was leaving the castle. "Good boy, Shelby," she said and she continued to watch the crystal ball. Shelby found the others and started barking. "He knows where Lois is," Chloe said. "He can lead us to her." They followed Shelby to the castle. Jimmy tried to turn back a couple of times but Chloe and Clark grabbed him. Some of the guards wandered over to their vicinity to check out the noise, 3 to be exact, a nice coincidence. They knocked the guards out and put their uniforms on. Lois thought about looking away, while Jimmy and Clark put them on but she realized they didn't have any clothes on to begin with. They blended right in with the guards as they fell in line outside the castle, although Lois was never quite sure how. A scarecrow, a tinman, and a lion ought to stick out.

Lana came bursting into the room. "Since your dog has escaped, I'm going to work you to death instead."

"Work me to death?" Lois repeated dubiously. That sounded so corny but she supposed the real truth of the matter was that witch or no witch, Lana couldn't stand the sight of blood. Most of all though, it was a kid's story where despite the fact that characters could die, it couldn't be too gruesome and it could only be the bad guys.

Lana refused to touch water and with good reason, so Lois was assigned to chores involving water. She had to admit carrying a wooden bucket filled with water was no easy thing to carry. It wouldn't take long to do her in. Lois had to wonder though why Lana would give water to her enemy in the first place. Lois had no intention of throwing water on Lana, lucky for Lana. What did that say about herself if she was willing to kill Lana even in a dream?

As she was struggling to carry the bucket, Chloe was so happy and overwhelmed to see her alive, she leapt out of line to hug her, knocking the bucket from Lois' hands. Chloe might have been made of straw but she was surprisingly heavy. It went without saying that Lana just happened to be in the spot where the bucket fell.

"I'm melting!" Lana cried, becoming noticeably shorter.

Lois couldn't bear to watch it. What a ghastly dream this was turning out to be. Lois was hardly best friends with Lana but she knew she would have to call her when she woke up to make sure she was still alive.

Chloe and Jimmy were both hugging on her until the cries stopped. She looked at Clark once during the incident. He was watching Lana melt with a horrified face. She was sure she would die by his hands, as much as he loved Lana. The guards broke into cheer when it was over.

"You freed us from the witch. What can we do for you?" the head guard asked.

"Well, as strange as it sounds," Lois said, "we'd really like to have her broom."

"You may have it," he said, picking it up and giving it to her. "And the flying monkeys will be glad to fly you wherever you want to go."

Lois rolled the knotted broom nervously in her hands and looked at Clark. "Are you okay?" she asked him.

"It was a sad end but I realize now she wasn't the person I imagined her to be."

"You're not mad at me?" Lois asked.

"It was an accident and she was willing to hurt you. I sympathize with Lana a little, but I stopped loving her somewhere along the way."

Lois gave a relived and somewhat dry smile. If she had ever been in doubt that this was a dream, this cinched that it was a dream once and for all. Clark not loving Lana anymore was like asking the world to stop spinning on its axis and go in reverse. It was impossible. It's not like she cared about him romantically or anything, she felt the need to reassure herself. She just hated watching a friend suffer, like Clark often did over Lana. The tinman's eyes seemed so kind to her now. She couldn't help but wonder if the real Clark's eyes looked that way. She had never really noticed. She had to make a note to look when she woke up. At the moment though, she had to stop thinking about Clark's eyes and concentrate on getting back to Emerald City, so she could wake up.


	10. Chapter 10

The flying monkeys dropped them off at Emerald City like promised. Lois hated to think it, but they weren't half so annoying without Lana. Their monkey sounds now sounded like normal monkey sounds.

They had no trouble getting in to see the wizard this time. Lex looked a little surprised to see them back and nervous, as she held up the witch's broom. She knew why. He couldn't really fulfill his promises.

Shelby started barking and bounding for the curtained area and it triggered a lever that pulled back the curtain. It was time to reveal the man behind the curtain. It was Lionel.

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain," Lionel said.

He had to be joking. She looked back at Lex. Lex had pulled his head out of the hole in the chair. A curtain and the tall chair had been hiding his body. She was glad to see his head was attached to a body. She had almost expected a floating head, disturbing imagery.

"Give it up, Dad. They've caught us," Lex said, joining the group.

"A nice, little father and son scam," Lois said. "How heartwarming."

"I'm in charge of this operation," Lionel said. "I'm the biggest scammer that ever lived."

"You are not," Lex sneered. "You wish you were."

"Let's review the facts. Shall we?" Lionel said. "You're the one who had to paint their head green and stick his head through a hole. I was at the controls, telling you what to say."

"Because I let you, old man. I was watching and calculating how I could be better than you and I am better than you."

Lionel reached out and rubbed Lex's head, "And before we got carried off to Oz, your head was my crystal ball, remember? You sat under the table with your head sticking through, while I told fortunes. People used to get such a kick out of that."

Lex looked like he wouldn't mind kicking his father right now. "But the problem remains that your brilliant plan to have them get the witch's broom, what you thought was an impossible task, was completed. Now we have to give them what they want, oh wise father."

"I've got it covered," Lionel assured everyone. "Follow me to the storage room."

Lionel handed out the gifts that were representative of what they'd had all along and of a fake wizard, who didn't want to be beaten up for lying. Chloe got a diploma. She didn't go to school and she was sure it didn't have Chloe's name on it, but Lois supposed it was one of those things you could show off and make you feel smarter. Clark got a heart watch. He seemed pleased with it and at least he could keep time. Jimmy got a medal for his courage. She assumed it was for not passing out at the Battle of the Witch. She had to restrain herself from looking so joyful that they were nearing the end, so she mustered up as much disappointment as she could and asked, "What about me? How am I going to get home to Kansas?"

"Well, you see my dear," Lionel said as smooth and slick as a snake, "I'm from Kansas too and I have wanted to go back for a while now. I have a hot air balloon and—"

"What about me?" Lex asked.

"The basket's not big enough for 3 of us and a dog," Lionel said, "You'll have to stay here. Look on the bright side. You'll be the wizard all by yourself like you've always wanted."

Lex didn't answer, but it was clear from his expression, he wasn't about to cooperate. Lionel didn't seem to notice though.

The hot air balloon was waiting. Lois didn't like the idea of being alone in a basket with Lionel, but there wasn't much she could do and she knew it wasn't going to be a permanent arrangement. They would barely make it off the ground.

Right now though, she was saying her goodbyes. She had to feign sadness. They were fictional for one thing and for another she saw the people they were based on almost on a daily basis. She easily said goodbye to Chloe and Jimmy. For some strange reason, she froze when she got to Clark and a wave of sadness swept over her. She didn't know why. Maybe because she knew when she woke up that she and the real Clark would be at each other's throats. She got the sense that this Clark cared about her and she cared about him. Well, that was true to a degree in the real world but it was much more masked there. As she was working up the nerve to say goodbye, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. It felt cold from his metal lips but strangely warm at the same time. She smiled. They didn't need to say goodbye. There was nothing to put into words that they didn't already know in the silence.

Once she turned away from his gaze, some rational thought seeped back into her mind. She should be declared legally insane. Where in the depths of her subconscious had that come from? If the real Clark knew about this, he would never let her live it down. She couldn't have feelings for him. That was out of the question. It had to be that he was so utterly revolting, it was nightmarish. You didn't want to dream it but you did.

She hurried to the hot air balloon with Shelby. As it began to lift off, the dog leaped out and of course, Lois had to go after him. By the time she got a hold of Shelby, Lionel was too far out of her reach. He just waved and apologize as he sailed away.

Lois looked over at Lex. Lex looked pleased with himself and Shelby appeared to be swallowing a treat. She was sure Lex had drawn Shelby out on purpose. If that had been the only way home, she would have punched the smug look right off his face. She did her best to look upset as her friends comforted her.

That seemed to cue Martha, "Don't cry, dear. You've had the power to go home all along."

"I have?" Lois asked, trying to go for a surprised, innocent look. A look she was sure didn't work well for her.

"Yes, all you have to do is say, 'There's no place like home. There's no place like home,' and click your heels together 3 times."

Lois held onto Shelby and followed the well-known instructions. It felt like it was working. She had followed the dream perfectly, well almost perfectly, and she was on her way to waking up.


	11. Chapter 11

As Lois got closer to waking up, her face felt wetter. When at last the fog cleared, she was laying in bed and Shelby was on top of her, licking her face. She let out a violent sneeze. Her allergies were back. She was definitely in the real world. "Get this mutt off me! What if I had been in a coma?"

Clark smiled one of his best smiles. She couldn't tell if he was pleased to see her awake or pleased to see Shelby was annoying her. Either way, Clark put Shelby outside of the room and yelled, "She's awake!" He shut the door and came back by her bedside. She started to get up.

"The doctor said you should stay in bed for the rest of the day."

"A doctor came by? I thought they stopped making house calls in the middle of last century."

"You'd be surprised how many connections Mom has and this was before she became senator."

Lois looked at his baby blue eyes. They did look incredibly kind, maybe even kinder than they had been in the dream.

"Well, I hope you learned your lesson about going straight to a cellar in a storm," he said seriously, and then he broke into a smile, "So were you transported to the Land of Oz?"

"I never want to hear about anything associated with Oz ever again."

Before he could question her, the door swung open and Martha, Chloe, and Jimmy rushed in and hugged her. Well, except for Jimmy. He awkwardly shook her hand.

"Lana," Lois said rather suddenly.

"What?" the others asked simultaneously.

"I know it sounds a little strange but I'd like to talk to Lana for a second."

They humored her but didn't understand when Lois and Lana had become such good friends that they called each other on the phone.

"Hi, Lana, I just wanted to see how you were doing. There was a tornado…Right you live in a different state now…No, Lex still thinks you're dead. Why would he doubt it?...Yeah, I have to go too. Glad that you're alive and everything."

They were all looking at her like she had lost her mind.

"What? I can't enquire after the welfare of a friend?" Lois furrowed her eyebrows, as she looked out the window. "Wait a second. I'm at the farm. This is Clark's room and my car hasn't moved an inch."

Everyone's concern for her seemed to increase when she said that.

"Honey, maybe you should get some rest," Martha told her in a motherly tone.

"No, I remember seeing the tornado before I fell unconscious. This farm was dead center in its path."

"Well, Lois, you did hit your head," Clark said.

"But it didn't knock my brains out. I know what I saw. I'm not a weather expert but I'm pretty sure a storm just doesn't say, 'Whoops, there's a house with people not in their cellar. Let me just bypass it.'"

Jimmy, who seemed the only one still greatly concerned about her, said, "You'll feel better tomorrow."

"I'll come by and pick you up in the morning," Chloe said, "if you're feeling up to it. I have to get back to the Planet. I'm so happy you're okay."

She gave her another hug and then left with Jimmy.

"I'm happy you're okay too, sweetheart," Martha said. "I've got some things to do downstairs if you need anything."

It was just her and Clark again. She kept waiting for him to say his goodbye and leave. She looked up at him and he was grinning at her. "Wizard of Oz, huh?"

"Shut up. Don't you have to go milk the cows or something?"

"Was I in the dream?"

"That's none of your business."

"If I'm in it, it is."

"Then you should remember it."

"You know what I find amusing about this? You must have wanted to get home to us and Kansas."

"How did you know, Auntie Smallville? And I wouldn't count on it. My dream was a little different than the original."

"Sure it was, Dorothy."

"You know what? You're bugging me. That couldn't have been doctor's orders."

"Okay, you win. I'll let you get some rest before our next verbal match. If you need anything, just holler."

Lois was alone at last. She sank back into the pillows. That dream had some major psychological implications, one in particular. She wasn't willing to face it just yet. She might even need to get her head examined.

"One thing is for sure," she muttered, as she turned onto her side and shut her eyes, "I have to get out of Kansas."

The End


End file.
